We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth. - Virginia Satir

It’s my birthday today and thanks for the e-cards, emails, cards in the mail, phone calls, text messages. Birthdays bring hugs- lots of them. All of them are different.

There’s the one where you just want to run and hide from it all with your special teddy bear who understands more than what you could possibly say.

Or there’s that hug from someone who assures you everything will be okay.

And the one that heals the heart. 

A hug is for the moment and it always delivers more than what you asked for. Now when you either can’t reach out and touch someone,  the “verbal hug” still works. These are words or phrases that describe a deep appreciation and acknowledgment for someone. Try this today and use phrases such as:

“You are great, I really appreciate all your help.”

“That was so kind of you to do all that work.”

“What a wonderful thing you just did”

“Wow, you are fantastic!”

“You are awesome”

“You rock”

“I so much appreciate your help on this”

Join me in a Today is Your Birthday song and video:

I paid attention to the shape and color of the leaves last weekend in Asheville, North Carolina. My favorite month of the year has arrived and fall is in the air- and in San Francisco, that air is very warm. It’s basically our summer only it has a different color to it. Perhaps it’s counter intuitive type of summer where it’s hot but it gets dark early or we notice the leaves are changing but the sun is still brightly shining. Nice.

I slowed down on my retreat and learned the secret of being efficient- it means slowing down. I realized that I haven’t been too efficient with my friendships, my business and my work. Instead of spending more time recreating and refreshing and all the other works starting with “re” - I realized it makes more sense to go deeper with what I have.

Being ambitious is a curse. There is always something more I want to accomplish, develop, learn, do, grow and this can be unsettling. Instead I would like to think more in terms of what I can’t live without and what to keep and maintain. What brings substance and sets a foundation.

That is my efficiency quotient for this time of renewal.

I’ve been following Patti Digh’s blog, 37Days for several years and I’m so excited to be part of The Circle Project retreat in beautiful Asheville, North Carolina next weekend. Her blog’s theme is about the choices we make in our lives if we were faced with 37 days left to live. A small group will gather next weekend at this retreat with Patti and David to share, learn, reflect and grow together. I can’t wait to also get a copy of her new book, Life is a Verb and embark on the adventurous drive on Friday from Raleigh to Ashville.

As always, the timing of this retreat is very appropriate. I do retreats well and have been to many from couples intimacy retreat in Escalen to an intentive Yoga retreat, to a women’s spiritual retreat to a creative writing retreat in to a communications retreat, etc. I know how to show-up, participate, eat meals with everyone, share awareness and develop weekend bonds with people you will never see again.

The part I don’t do well is the time before I leave for the retreat and the time after returning from the retreat. It always happens before I go, I decide there is no way I can go and figure out some sabotage tactic with a splash of guilt mixed in there. Whether it’s about money, time, busy schedule, distance, new project deadline, there is some pressing reason keeping me from going.

And sure enough for next weekend’s retreat, I tried to bail out of it. My mother has been very sick and her condition has taken a turn for the worst so we’ve all been on high alert and taken a bigger care taking role.  I didn’t want to travel far from her and yet believe the best way to care take my mom is to care take myself by going on this retreat.

Now my work begins as the days get closer to this retreat and I think about my life and my choices to live intentionally as though I only have 37 days left to live. What would I do? What would I leave behind for others? What will shift from this experience in my life and how will I incorporate it into my life?

I’m heads down trying to knock out my Time Management chapter of my book. I’ve procrastinated on it, tried to delegate it, been distracted on it, lost momentum on it and finally when I sent my first pass last week to Naomi, my coach, she wrote back, “sounds like it’s time to focus on your time management.”

We are handed the lessons we are ready to learn.  My life couldn’t be crazier right now and it’s time for me to put all the things I train about into practice and just walk my talk. I’m supposed to be the Time Management expert here and write something prolific, deep, insightful and powerful about this topic.

Plus, as I’m writing this chapter, I’m becoming more and more agiltated, anxious and just plain angry. Writing about how inside salespeople have such little control of their time upsets me- especially when there is a direct correlation to the way they manage their time and make quota. They are finally perceived as a vital part of the sales organization and with that comes new responsibilities and requests beyond their control.

They need to be heard, they need to rant about I say, they need some hard candy. Partly for comfort and lots of flavor- it calms the senses.

…And it’s all about time, how much you earn and how much you lose. Here’s a great “Clocks” video from ColdPlay

I’m on the phone so frustrated with my printing facility because they are not recognizing the postal code for Copenhagen. I spent forever trying to get all the workbooks entered and if I press the back button, it will all disappear. Did I sign up to be printing coordinator?

I was ready for a quite summer and then I suddenly got this call from my client who wanted to move fast and furious on a global training initiative to train their global seasoned inside sales teams and incorporate my TeleSmart 10 system. We just finished training their new hire teams and now the others wanted training too- Oh, and this all had to happen before the end of October.

All over the world, it had to happen before the end of October. Especially in the Middle East (Cairo and Dubai) it had to happen before Ramadam. While one of my trainers, Martha is shopping for appropriate training attire for Dubai, I’m revising content, coordinating trainers who want to have no life for two months, updating content, sending out student workbooks, reviewing feedback and making sure all global needs get met.

And then I glance at the spreadsheet and read all these dates, trainers and locations:
US- Salt Lake City, Atlanta, Raleigh
Europe- Italy, France, Denmark, Belgium, London, Amsterdam, Italy, Spain, Portugal
Emerging-Cairo, Dubai, Warsaw, Athens, Istanbul, Johannesburg, Croatia, Poland, Prague, Germany, Israel
AsiaPac-Singapore, Korea, Sydney, Shanghai, Bangkok, Bangalore

That’s my stuff traveling all over the world with trainers who are carrying the torch- thank you.

Today I get to talk about one of my favorite topics- tune in for the Sell to the People with the Power to Buy webinar from 10-11:am PST.  What is the deal with these No-Po’s and why are they slowing down our sales?

Find out why there are so many of them around today, how to recognize them, what titles they have, why we are drawn to them and how hard they work at protecting their turf.

How do you anticipate change? Sometimes it creeps up on you and other times it stares right at you. We can plan for change and finally we see it so close that we want to change our mind and keep driving the straight and comfortable path. Other times, you are ready to get off that exit because you know your life will never be the same again. 

Many times I am asked to train about something that will be changing. It’s not happening yet but will be- it doesn’t make much sense does it? Then the people in my training give me this blank stare and then start listing all the ways it won’t happen and that’s fine. Because by the time they figure it out, new rules will change everything.

So when someone says they don’t like change, what does that mean? I think it just means they want change to happen on their own terms. Sort of like controlled change- you control it. When I watch early adopters jump so fast to change, they tend to regret it. Yet the ones who move slower, stick to it longer.

I made a big change today and it was a change I resisted for many years. I made every excuse why it would not work and I simply was not ready for it. Today, I took that change exit and it felt right. It was part of my journey and it was the most positive way for me to see this change.

Things have changed drastically in inside sales today and one of the biggest changes is how much the buyer controls the buying and education cycle. It’s more and more on their terms these days. Does the “what the customer wants the customer gets” philosophy still exist. You’ve got to check out Office Max’s YouTube videos that Duct Tape Marketing is featuring and watch a customer who insists on paying for everything with his pennies, it’s hysterical.

Inside sales has come from big changes, here are a few:

From providing admistrative support for the field to now driging an integrated sales team

From being focused on the beginning part of the sales process to working on the entire sales process

From marketing silo versus sales silo to synchronizing marketing and sales efforts

From calling off list rentals to increasing lead generation and cultivation

From high efficiency versus high touch to creating multiple touch points with various messaging channels

From controlling wha the buyer knows to buyers who educate themselves before engaging a salesperson

From operational efficiency to operational optimization

From flyikng during and coordinating meeting schedules to engaging anytime, anywhere

From selling under $25K to closing up to $2million by phone

Frm product specialist to LOB specialist

From forecast probability to forecast predictability

From pipelie volume to pipeline shape and velocity

From mass prospecting that builds a linear funnel to building social networks

From managing by what your reps say to managing to what the prospect says

I remember weeks before my daughter was born, everyone called to remind me how my life would change. I read books about it and couldn’t imagine what it would feel like. It’s one of those huge changes that impacts your life, values and who you are.  You measure your life in terms of what came Before or what came After and in this case it would be BB or AB  which stands for ”Before Briana” or “After Briana.”

My kitchen remodel starts next week and as my sister said today, “you’ll become part the conversation in the kitchen remodel circle.” Suddenly I’m talking granite countertops and Marmoleum floors and understanding how frameless cabinets actually drive up the installation costs. I know more about circuit breakers that I ever imagined.

And I’m so close to getting either a Blackberry of iPhone, I still can’t decide and have held off for so long. My life will be radically different with this new tool. It’s silly when I write a response email and mention that I will be out the rest of the week and will have email and phone availability- isn’t that just assumed. It sounds so redundant and outdated.

And…my book. Today I met with my developmental editor to talk about a workable schedule for the rest of this year. My work and my business will be much more public and exposed. People I don’t know will decide to write a review on Amazon about my book. My business will take on a new focus and I will compare it also to the BB and AB- this time meaning “Before the Book” and “After the Book.”

When we stand on the edge of change that threatens your lifestyle and values, it can be terrifying and potentially disorienting. I want to run to the comfort zone, call my mom, eat macaroni and cheese, listen to Joni Mitchell and smell summer barbeque. We want what is familiar, easy, safe and predictable when we are facing huge changes in our lives.

And then we take that leap- we jump off the high board and never look back. Suddenly it all feels very right.

It all started when my friend’s son wanted to come by my house to give me a Cutco knife demonstration.

  Cutco is a knife company that has been around for the past 60 years and still maintains their old-fashioned sales philosophy. Their sales model is to hire college kids for the summer, give them a set up knives and have them sell door-to-door providing demos and asking for referrals from friends. No catalog, no web site, no web conferencing demo.

I agreed to sit through a long presentation and watched my friend’s son read his script, cut through leather and cut through a penny. Very impressive product but the presentation was weak.  I can’t help it, I couldn’t contain myself from wanting to help him with his demo or at least take a stab at cutting up his generic and impersonal script.

The next day, I decided to carefully craft a detailed email to my friend suggesting some areas her son could improve upon in his demo. I didn’t do this to show off but because I wanted him to have more respect for the sales profession and to understand sales is about relationship building and having fun. I wanted him to understand that although companies like Cutco believe sales is like the old Glenngary Glenn Ross days, that doesn’t have to be the case. Customers just don’t appreciate going for the jugular when closing the sale anymore.  Certainly, if this was my daughter, I would be happy to receive such detailed feedback from a pro.

Well it backfired, my friend thought my feedback was insulting, inappropriate and unrealistic for a young kid who just needs a summer job. I guess the superstition of knives breaking friendships might be true after all.

There’s nothing more frustrating than being misunderstood. When the message you intended to send is not received the same way. Instead it is decoded with lots of false assumptions and you get blamed for something you never intended to do. So frustrating.

I wanted to scream out, “no, that’s not what I meant” or “no, listen, let me make this clear” or “did you really hear what I have been trying to say.” But it was too late, I was already misunderstood.

In sales, there are common misunderstandings between the salesperson and their manager. Here’s a typical converation:

Salesperson- “I put some new numbers together on how I can best develop my territory this quarter.”

Manager- “So when can I expect to receive this?”

Salesperson- “I’m unsure how it will really happen without a few things in place.”

Manager- “What is holding you back? I need someone who will make things happen and not wait.”

Salesperson- “I’m not waiting, I am determining a strategy and want to check things out with you first.”

Manager- “I hired you to take things on and run with them and not wait.”

Sound familiar?

Most misunderstanding about performance expectations, new business expectations, compensation, iniatives and strategies are common. Unfortunately, they begin a long chain of turmoil and grief. It’s much better to air out any complaints or misunderstanding early and take the time to check things out before they escalate.