To me, there’s nothing weaker than a promise because I believe that making promises is a way of avoiding what is really happening. I actually panic when I hear promises and just don’t buy statements such as “I promise that will happen” or “just be patient,” or “just give me more time” and “it will be in the future.”

Today’s the last day of the month and the time we take a hard look at the promises we received this past month or even the entire year and learn the hard reality–it ain’t going to happen. Here are some tough questions to ask whenever you hear a promise from a prospect:

promise: I promise I will make it happen.

response: What is keeping you from making it happen now? What is getting in the way? If you were to remove one obstacle, what would it be?

promise: Just hang in there for a while longer, be patient.

response: What can I expect to get from waiting a while longer? Is the waiting time for me or for you? What needs to happen for you to feel more comfortable? Is being patient a way to sort things out, get clarification, research, analyze, organize, compare? How do you define patience?

promise: I will get that to purchase order to you, I promise.

response: When can I expect to receive that? What may get in the way? In the past, how long did this take?

What promises make you feel impatient?

 Are you picky about your cranberry sauce? No matter what food sits around a Thanksgiving table, the dividing line is the type of cranberry sauce one prefers. You can tell so much about people based on the cranberry sauce they choose. One of the most talented bloggers out there writes on her 37 days blog post about cranberry sauce and more. Check out Be Conscious of our Treasures . Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it gives me a chance to show my gratitude to those around me. How often do we stop and thank someone or take the time to be grateful for what we have?

There’s this great restaurant in San Francisco called Gratitude on 9th Avenue, just a few blocks from the Craigslist office. It’s vegan and pretty tasty. At the end of the meal, your waiter walks up to your table and asks you “what do you feel grateful about?” Big question … umm, let’s see … that I found parking? …that I didn’t order the tofu burger? … that I wore my walking shoes?

But let’s get serious for a moment, this is a big question and one that takes time to ponder. When the daily grind blinds us, we forget about the people in our lives, the work we create, the time we invest in ourselves and our families and don’t take the time to show our gratitude.

In sales, there are so many people that are involved in your sales efforts from departments such as Marketing, Operations, Service, Support, Finance, Legal, and Consulting to all the people from Field Sales, Customer Support, Technical Support, Systems Engineers, Purchasing, Product Managers, etc.

Take a few minutes and put your gratitude list together then send a quick email saying Thanks.  

There’s always food around this time of year. It usually starts around Thanksgiving and continues for the next 6 weeks. No, I’m wrong, it started after Halloween because everyone brought in their leftover candy. By Thanksgiving time, the candy gets replaced with breads and cookies and by Christmas time, it’s popcorn, chocolate, fruitcake and more leftovers.

The quantity increases too. It begins with a small box of chocolate left in the lunchroom or near the fax machine, which gets consumed quickly. Then after Thanksgiving everyone brings in more food they want to get rid of and there’s a lot more to eat. By Christmas, everyone is in the habit of having chocolate before 10:00 a.m.

So what’s your favorite comfort food? Barry Zweibel wants to know because this time of year it’s easy to Mindless Eat as this book suggests. So tell us what sweets are clogging up your lunchroom?

I was talking with an Inside Sales Director yesterday about a meeting she had just had with one of her team members. She had called him into her to office because she was ready to put him on plan. As they reviewed his forecast together, she listened to his status updates and excuses on not hitting his numbers. He was defensive and it felt like a conversation they’ve had many times before. At that point, she tuned in to her intuition to realize there was something else going on behind his behavior. She quickly adjusted her approach and came in with razor sharp timing and asked him, what is really going on with you these days?  Well, before she knew it, his eyes welled up with tears and he shared some personal information about his life that was severely impacting his sales. That’s compassionate coaching. We can get results a lot faster when we invest in listening to the other person instead of focusing on our agenda.

There are a lot of good coaches out there. Here are some winning qualities they share:

Excellent Listening–This is key and it must be active, empathetic, compassionate and non-defensive. Learn to effectively paraphrase what you hear.

Patience–People don’t change but behaviors can change; everyone has his or her own unique rhythm that takes time.

Supportiveness–Sometimes team members are just waiting for permission to be seen as the top dog on the team. Treat them like they deserve to be in that spot.

Flexibility and Adaptability–Managers must become agile in how they manage because every person is different. They must keep an open mind and become sensitive to differences.

Interest and Awareness–Take time to walk into team members’ cubicles and look around. Get to know their world because this will give you clues to what motivates them.

Perception–This is where your intuition kicks in. Trust it.

Energetic–A good coach motivates someone to change for the better.

Some salespeople hide when it’s time for their coaching session.

Granted, a coaching relationship can be very revealing as it gets ”up close and personal.” A good coach digs deep to understand not so much how the salesperson is selling but his or her motivation, values and past experiences. But if we’ve received some negative coaching in the past, the experience may have marked us, which explains why we may be resistant to coaching. Here is a checklist to determine if you are avoiding being coached:

1. Defensive behavior–It is difficult to listen to any type of constructive feedback when we are defensive or come from a place where we are panicked.

2. Know-it-all–Just giving lip-service that you will change your behavior isn’t enough.

3. Comfort zone–Just because something has always worked in the past doesn’t mean you can’t try somethinig new.

4. Perception versus Reality–When your perception is so distorted that you refuse to listen to another point of view.

5. Low self-esteem–Our confidence takes a beating when we are out there making calls and this impacts our productivity. 

Look at coaching as a gift. If someone takes the time to learn about you and help you develop, that is valuable. Tomorrow, we’ll discuss qualities that make a good coach. Please submit your comments on this.  

How compassionate is our coaching today?

Listen to our lively discussion with Lisa Gauger, Harte-Hanks training and quality specialist and with Pawel Andrzejczak, Cisco’s training manager.

They share their insights on benefits of coaching, qualities of a good coach and trends in coaching.

Find out what it takes for managers and trainers to approach their coaching with more compassion.